The toy box is not a toilet

Potty training. Two words most parents fear. I didn’t think I’d be so scared. But after finding poop and pee all over, the fear is real. I hear stories of two year olds training themselves. No problems. No mess. They just wake up one day and decided to not piss themselves.

Lies. Fairytales.

As I sit here trying to bribe my son with m&m’s I wonder why I have to convince him why walking around with poop in his pants is bad. Who enjoys that feeling? I once was okay with it? Dear god.

He was doing well with peeing on the potty. He refuses to poop there. I don’t get it. Pooping is when I get my alone time. Doesn’t he want to sit and read? Think about the day? No? He wants to poop on the floor by the cat? Fucking awesome.

We’ve tried prizes, potty charts, potty dances, undies and nakedĀ  time. I guess he’ll just do it when he’s ready.

Naked time. Yeah. I let my son roam my home I his birthday suit. Anyone who has a toddler knows they like to “explore themselves”. Anyone who visits my home should never touch the remotes, the couch, or anything of Al’s.

I don’t know what runs through his mind when he rubs his favorite DVD on his junk. I don’t know why he runs from me and continues doing it when I catch him. Is he like…marking his territory? This just further supports the idea that toddlers are like tiny drunk people. They pee wherever and do questionable things.

Side note before I go: some little shits stole my sons toys from our yard. They returned the balls deflated and broken. The cars are gone. If I ever catch them I’ll probably do nothing and just picture smacking them in my mind. Because jail isn’t worth it. Actually, I might go Madea on them. Man I hope someone gets that reference.


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